" In the end, I’ve come to believe in something I call “The Physics of the Quest.” A force in nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity. The rule of Quest Physics goes something like this: If you’re brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you. " - Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love.
A word that rarely used in daily terms but, holds a powerful meaning. Derived from an Indonesian language which generally means conscience. We had a session yesterday on lecture where we talked about online community and my lecturer listed a few examples of events that ignites our memory. These events that happened ranges from the 2011 London riot, 911, Tsunami, my friend Kamilla brought up the shootings that happened in her town, Oslo while I added the incident on the little girl April Jones from Machynlleth. There might be more but, every event shared ends our final lecture for the semester in a grim mood. It strucks me.. conscience. What's the relation? All events influenced our conscience especially those who have been associated to the victims. I was wondering with all these pretentious consumer-laden society, what shows a value to a real conscience?
Most intention seems to be for a commercial reason; to increase profit, attract audience, self- vainism or just pure hedonism. All act of good deed were less visible or even displaying was deemed to be a video with the highest views. All effort needs to be praised and recognized with rewards, fame or more expectation to be loved by all. I honestly, have trouble to accept the idea. Is that what we aim for in life? How can someone would devote themselves in fishing complements either by complexion, effort or posession? It's hard for me to accept the fact that I was living in the world with people that seems a bit lost in finding internal bliss or atleast contentment.
Throughout my years consumed by my own story, I learned more and more that a healthy conscience although an ideal way of living; it was the hardest achievement anyone could maintain. Personally, I struggle all the time because I admit that I'm not perfect. all these flaws was meant to let me know what's ethically right but, it doesn't mean that I never fall down the stairs more than twice. To find or to practice into a healthy conscience requires devotion and whole lot of faith to our own ability. Some seek refuge in devoting to religion (like moi'), others divert their faith to what they figured more sensible to their principle in life and a few search for unconventional approach which I believe it's not within my vocabulary. Almost everything needs to be explore and discover by our own two hands and witness by our own eyes.
The reason why I keep emphasizing on conscience repetitvely is because, my conscience are pondering.. loudly in my head. My idea of contentment was when I spent the whole week alone since both of my housemates were out due to their busy schedule. I have no problem being alone because, it gave me time to reflect about my life. I concluded that I need to change my way of living at some point. Spent some time just enjoying the company of my duvet and warm jacket to survive in the unbearable cold yet delectable weather.
'Dolce far Niente'
Yes. Another quote from the movie. It should be established by now that I don't just eat pray and love by this movie but, sleep too. The sweetness of nothing. I spent the week doing nothing but, what I find pleasurable: eating proper food, doing laundry (folding was the cherry on the top) made fortress under my warm duvet, passing by the neighbourhood and stop for awhile to say hi to the cat behind the window which seems clueless and also watching All Blacks winning when competiting with the Irish lad that became so intensify that I rolled over my beanbags with pure agony of anticipation. The final and the best of all is to finish up the novel which showered me with knowledge and Iman. I was in no intention to care about what people think about my so called average life. If I am blessed with the skills to decipher words properly from my head, I would do it similarly to the movie Big Fish; fiction- style. Haha.
The life without being burdened by pressure on being rich, beautiful and powerful (intelligent is okay. I don't see it as a burden.) I care less whether I had grammatical errors or babbling about stuff uninteresting to others just as long I have tried hard to come up with a sentence. The pleasure of learning was my contentment - a source to my healthy conscience. Right now, it's just about living day by day anticipating what's unfold for me, like a new chapter of a book.
Nurani. Such a beautiful word don't you think?