Friday, March 15, 2013

Thoughts of March

Assalamualaikum :)
For weeks I've been visiting my blog but, no words able to fill this within that period. Just say, I didn't have a clear mind to start with. Not because the fact that I'm 27 years old now but, I can sense fears and anxiety of the unknowing seeps in and eating me inside out. The brain can be a scary place. Lol.

The reason why I feel more motivated to type today is because I have this huge concern about the recent issue (well, it might be receding as we speak) on the viral video back home. A youth splurging racist remarks and threatening a fellow Bhayya (Brother in Indian). I didn't watch the full video. It turned me off completely. What is astounding was the feedbacks come afterwards. There were a massive anger from the public to seek justice for the misbehave conduct of this youth. The police have agreed to take action and yes, the Bhayya are now feeding on the fame he gets overnight. It seems like an open close case already.

Honestly, I don't bother much on that. My main concern is how the public react to it. It's utterly degrading and humiliating to even say I'm a Bruneian just by reading their comments which obviously it's from their own thoughts due to the fact that they can easily hide by their username. It's funny how people seems to be okay with this; to be a troll, a spam- a cyber bully. 

All I can see now is that the troubled youth has become a victim instead of the agressive bully, why?
1) It's not him who upload the video, it was someone else. His action was recorded and uploaded without his permission which is a trespassing to personal rights.
2) The fact that he is perceived as the 'bad caricature' the public naturally feel obliged to voice out their opinions. Funny, NONE did wanted the video to be investigated NOT AFTER the overflowing judging words thrown in the comments. I haven't include those who make fun of it. 
3) Sharing is a common behaviour for web 2.0 environment. Oh yeah.. except this is a misbehave conduct of your own people and as much as I understand 'aib' is the word for it. I find it unacceptable for those who spread this to share 'aib' of a person.
4) Yes, he is obviously wrong and inappropriate to vent his anger. I can't agree more. Why do everyone starts to involve his family and try to get in a fight with him? In which part it was venting on you? There is a fine line between being concern and just blindly judgmental.

So who is the real bully? The fact that the inner self let to be let loose because of someone's disturbing behaviour. The intention that comes within is pure and I believe it is not influence by the surroundings. And that 'intention' wants to give bad remarks to this youth is the one which is supposed to blame on. Simply saying, if you judge the person because of their behavior and start to spread the video, make fun of it, let others to get involve with giving their bad judgements too; doesn't that sounds like a bully? To what extent of the intention of spreading 'aib' which obviously leads to more bad comments is acceptable? As we grew up, we learn or understands that bad things happened to someone else is supposed to be stop in any length possible. I'm really dissapointed to most of them because they didn't show a good example. 

It's true we learn about ethics and manners since we were little; how to behave well, to speak appropriately to elderly, handling a situation as politely as possible and so on. I strongly believe that there is a need to start with learning ethics and manner when it comes to web 2.0 environment. No doubt, almost everyone are computer literate or at least familiar with the online social network through any device. Tell me, which kid does not know how to use a smartphone or watch a cartoon online? How many youth didn't use the internet to stay in the social ladder? How many adults are not using their mobile phone or internet to do their work? I believe the percentage is quiet low. We are living in the digital environment and it is important to give certain education on how to behave within the surrounding especially to depict proper behavior when it comes to handling this sort of 'misconduct' to avoid potential moral degradation.

Maybe within my naive knowledge, there are efforts made to curb this problem; educating is a life long process and it might take a while to see the outcome. We'll see how it goes. I just want to show I'm one of those people who are concerned rather than sit back and regret for not expressing this. 

I guess that's all from me. It feel so good to pour it all out now. Yes, I did it purposely to be viewed online. No data are permanently deleted in the digital world so, I want this to be sealed. I might feel foolish if I was wrong but, atleast I will learn from it and perhaps something we all can benefit as a lesson in the near future :)

Friday, January 18, 2013

Textual Literature

Assalamualaikum 2013,

Blessed with the grace of Allah we were given an opportunity to continue with our lives to see another year. I'm not going to put images in this post today. I tend to get distracted from editing the photos ended up with posting nothing but graphic rather than expressing my thoughts.

Things have changed when my 2012 started. With all the adjusting my so called new life here in UK, though seemed so surreal most of the time; a dream comes into the realms of reality. It did not gave me content and fulfillment throughout the journey.

Remember during our early days of Primary school, we had the G-Shock magazines to be purchased for a price of $0.70 in which I spent my pocket money on living me with a few cents to barely buy me a meal for the day. I remembered everyone in the class bought one of tactical g-shock watches because it was an in-trend (bless those days when technology was a complicated spelling.) My teacher suggested us to turn to page 8 to read an article presumable based on a true story  about a girl who is smart and hard-working stayed up all night to study for her exams accompanied by an oil-lamp. She achieve the top grade and got a scholarship overseas to further her studies.

It was the total reward to study abroad which had been the collective goal of all students back home. The attached expectations of a prestige university, indisputable reputation, high-acceptance and adoration from your relatives and friends as well of the proud feeling of your parents to know their effort was finally worthed invested. For kids during those age, we often thought that was the happy ending. Things would fall into the right place and everyone would be happy; family would love you, friends started to express their longing desire to know you more than and hope for a yes to be the sweet couple before the day of your departure, enemies would hit reality and became humble which led to forgiveness and new-bond of friendship not forgetting the exquisite dream that you'll be rich and have steady job with a loving family as a result (suddenly a sport car appear in the picture)


What an imagination and yet possible to happen. I have to admit, it used to be like that but, as I set my foot at the same situation. I realized, it was not an entirely happy ending. It was another chapter of a journey. More challenges and self-discovery about everything including yourself. It was never wrong to aim higher but, to expect things would end in a beautiful movie plot is out of the question now. 

I love my independent lifestyle here. I embrace it fully because I always seek for liberty. It is not a form of escapism; the truth is, liberty is in your mind although you are attached with responsibilities over your shoulders. The liberty to set your foot on a foreign soil and breathe the air of a different breeze. It was never about the instant gratification you get with the privilege you obtain for your so called 'past achievement'. Yea sure, have a life and dig the fun, its harmless and yet, I can assure you the feeling was rather temporary. Like Mee Maggie would proudly acclaimed "Cepat dimasak, enak dimakan" and boom, your cholesterol level and fat content increased exponentially. Hello medicine & middle age-diet.

But, if you internalised the experience and convert it into a plausible lesson for life, you developed a greater satisfaction for gaining a treasure known as wisdom. Data compiled to be information which heightens to wisdom. You can buy all those branded stuff and brag about the place you've visited but, I don't actually see the point unless you understand the value of it. Believe me, it was not meant for me to be in that situation where you became a manequin of consumerism. You're giving a business a favor. Not for yourself.

My main point that I was trying to convey was, 2012 was a rough spiritual journey for me. It challenged my will power plus my urges to the basic gratification. Pleasure, lust, pride and basically the siblings of the 7 sins were hanging somewhere nearby. I stumbled to some but, nothing too drastic. Yes, I still resent the idea of smoking and drinking on the otherhand, I began to understand why it is part of the culture here. The civilised way is to accept for what it is and let them with their culture. Reality is not pretty. Feeling numb was the worst to be engaged with by far. The creativity block was a disaster and it was awful for me. Pisces like me rely on our creativity and imagination. Losing the vision was like an amputation of your own limb. 

Honestly, I accept the fact that I am no longer a child and that means responsibility will follow me everywhere. Running away wont solve anything and solving it just didn't seem a good idea at the moment. Then it piled up to hills of untouchables until to the point, I guess this little kid learn to grow up. Well, finally.

Will it be an easy road for me? I don't know. I was never sure of anything. I have around 365days to figure that out and perhaps it may lead to perfection that I have longed for. What's more, it would become a dream come true to return back to my old self when that child was full of enthusiasm and passion about life. Where is she? :'-)

2013, we will hold hands and walk together.

(The light for them.)

Wednesday, December 5, 2012


Another random post as to mask my current procrastination to do my assignments. I had two. Lol. Well, I was contemplating to watch Lindsay's Lohan latest film involvement which had successfully made to the premiere. It's a shame that the Gotti was a no go. This so called 'movie' is more like a telemovie however, it is about the late Elizabeth Taylor's infamous relationship with Richard Burton. Her confidante', partner in crime, her Anthony as she was Cleopatra. A love story that fumes destruction yet, two souls that were never be apart during their lifetime. As much as I want to indulge in this incredible urban love story, I couldn't stop observing Lindsay. Urgh. I know it's bad have these subjective thoughts but, I can't help it. Her reputation was in my face all the time. It seems she has lost some of the golden touch she used to depict magnificiently. I don't know. I do give my salute for her efforts. She tried. I can see that talented self in her in the last few scenes of the film (which is regretful that she didn't applied it throughout the film) I guess she was trying. The reason why I didn't find satisfaction in watching this film was because I kept noticing the habitual pattern she used to do in EVERY movie she played in:

"Oh there she goes, sighing for the 30th time,"

"Teenage tone voice.. really?"

"There she goes again..making love.."

Furthermore, trying to amplify her sexual assets assuming to make it look more desirable to the audience hence better reviews. I don't know.. I just assume as for what I observed. I want to see experienced and dynamic in character. I do believe she learnt her part and do far better research than my ability but, I just can't stop seeing the character as Lindsay. It's like watching about her life rather than she relflecting Liz's persona. She got the look oh yes she does. No doubt on what makeup able to change you into. On another note, Lindsay did made a good personification of the age. Her wrinkles were visible despite whatever facial treatment she did on the face. I'm so sorry if I sound like I was appaled by her perfomance. Honestly, I was dissapointed. She was given a chance to shine and people were looking forward for her return. Too bad we had higher expectation. I just can't stop feel sorry for her but, I still hope for the best yet to come for her. Just atleast a good film to restore the faith of humanity. Lol. I know there is still a spark in there, Lindsay. 

To neutralized my avid dissapointment, I geared up my emotions on watching a random independent film from youtube. The main cast was Linda Oh from one of the doctor theme episode. I don't follow much on series but, I'm sure its good. Haha. So, this film visualized the chinese culture in the suburb of Canada. Focusing on a kid who was practising Taoism to help out with their financial issue as help her mom's love life which seems barren from any potential suitors with her mom's workaholic attitude. You know the feeling when you had hot spice curry burning your tongue and you sip a glass of milk to cool it down? Yea that's what I feel after watching these two films. I was like "Ahh.. that's more I like it! You have successfully made my tears fall off!" This emotion was in vain when I was watching Liz and Dick when I was expecting it to be heartbreaking. But, instead...this less favourited, simple with no significant people in it pierced my heart in the final scene. 
It just shows, you can flash off your expensive props and vvip people to produce a film but it wont hide your flaws. I saw fake money, greenscreen images and perhaps miserable casting in Dick and Liz which overshadows the cast for Richard Burton who I think played it incredibly suave. He was amazing! *Sigh* I know I would comment more on the undeniably mediocre standard I saw in that film where as I saw perfection in the film I randomly saw in Youtube. Just let that be the higlight of my days of procrastinating.
Now, I bid you adieu as I am going to continue to persuade myself to get my brain going.

Saturday, December 1, 2012


Sobahul Khair December! I survived November :D *Do the chicken dance*
Apart from my ode to the depressing month, I saw it as a a month of reflection. I have learn to restrain myself from the infinite impulses and pretty much grab the opportunity to learn more about myself. Yes me me me haha. It's really crucial for me to stay grounded and learn from it. I'm just happy that I take the first step now its time to relax and continue with the journey...
 Journey to Machynlleth :D I went there with my ol' flatmates and Victoria just to try the Vegetarian restaraunt at the town. It's not bad. I love how it is so simillar to Aber but, less robust. It's a nice short trip and using the bus was something I need to use more often. We sat on top front at the upper deck and yes, it was the first hand to witnessing the incredible scenery. I couldn't ask for more despite of my new profound idea of restraining myself from shopping. This was merely a reward for being persistent on it. Haha.. yea right.
Well, it didn't end well though. We jumped on the bus to go back to Aber and sat at the upper deck but further behind. I started to feel drowsy and there are moments when I feel like I want to barf. Literally. I couldn't think straight and I decided to depart as soon as it reach around my neighbourhood. The fact that I was going to do my grocery shopping remains in vain. I just walkaway and rest my head as soon as I get on my bed. Leaving me eating whatever left in my cupboard; chicken soup with macaroni...for the past 3 days. Gosh haha..

Well, that was one of the highlights of November. That's why I'm so glad to get it over and done. As much as I want to be productive for the month. I have chosen to stay in bed at the very last day of November. Spending the time with watching chick flicks.. more precisely..Black humour. I kinda want to watch the movie for ages and I finally  did it! Believe me, it's really worth watching. This movie that I was talking about is called 'Act like a lady think like a man' was adapted from Steve Harvey book. I personally love the idea of having more of these romantic comedy genre from African American (I kinda feel awkward calling black now.. I don't want to be stamped racist haha) What's more.. the cast is super UBER hot! I'm referring to this mahagony god of mine, Michael Ealy. Does he looks familiar? Of course he do. He is in Beyonce's 'Halo' music video! Oh my.. I am so into him when I saw him in that mv. His smile and that blue eyes pierced my heart and burns it till it melts. 
Yes I'm having a fandom moment right now. Aside from Marcell, John Legend, Bernard Chandran, All Blacks Rugby Player and the fews I can't recall now, I would literally shriek like one of the kpop fans. Michael Ealy has a charming smile and sweet personality which can be depicted in any of his films. For a 39 year old guy, he still make me drool especially.. oh yes.. especially in that movie 'Think Like a Man'. I'm sorry if you might feel uncomfortable reading this but, I love the make out scene. I didn't notice the female cast. My eyes was focusing on him. That moves and beautiful, eloquent, suave (enough now haha) and tender kisses just made me breathless haha. I'm so sorry but, really.. I cannot resist his charm!Oh my..
I don't know why my day was about digging into my sweet tooth love on african american delicacy. Maybe it is related to that bizzare moment I had with this African guy whose taking law in the Uni. Maybe. I don't want to recall if possible as it's unpleasant. But, somehow it triggers my attention to some chocolate loving haha.
p/s: Please forgive me, I'm just trying to vent out this cheeky side of me. Toodles! <3>

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Waking Issue

We seek shelter and comfort, To the realm which our eyes meant to see,  Perhaps what our minds hope to feel.
As much I would like to criticized Keisha for waking up like P.Diddy, I did woke up to a different scenario; waking up to Obama's winning! Ecstatic might not be a good word to describe my early morning, who actually woke up fresh? I remembered it was quite a hot topic a few days before and even last night, when I was doing my gym induction, two ladies were discussing whether to come to the Union event for the US Presidential announcement held later that night. The only thing I can recall before going to sleep was hoping Obama would be given another chance to make a change which is evidentally can be seen now: 

I'm not fond with political affair however at some point we felt attached to what had been happening throughout the years with people around the globe. I can't deny my affection towards the American as they were actually the starting point of igniting my enthusiasm towards this western culture plus, this language that have been resonating in my mind predominantly (thanks Sesame street for being there when I was one lol.) In the end of the day, I was merely an observer who was curious about the result and I feel relief. Personally, I don't want to take side to either Obama or Romney because I understand they stand for different matters which needs to be take action for their country's sake. It's just the universal rule to conclude who would lead and sit on that throne of authority. However, I strongly believe that 4 years is a very short period to make a crucial change even we, in Brunei need atleast 25 years to go through a National Development Scheme. However, with the advanced technology and basically a higher population of literate, educational and qualified professional growing up in the US may need less than 25 years to accomplish a change. What they need is integration and solely faith. That's how North Korea succeed to be independent from the foreign influence at the first place. No, I don't favour Communism however all these concepts deserve a recognition for something right?
So going back to the Presedential election.. although I know my thought does not count much but, I hope the American stay grounded and keep the faith on Obama for now. For sure, I have my own opinions that are still playing around my head as we speak but, I decided not to decipher. It seems unnecessary for now but, I know by the time I forgot about this, it might actually come true. Boh! 
I googled for video of news updates on this and gosh the celebration was beyond expectation. Even Obama's grandmother was celebrating in Africa somewhat. The American flag was waved accompanied by a surge of happiness chanted on the road. Yes, it was those who once called as a sub class; the minority that fought for a voice that they believe can be channeled through Obama. One thing that made that 1% difference in the result of the election was because he was clever to utilize the media at full blast. If it wasn't because of Beyonce told to vote for him in my Instagram, I don't think I would be pondering about Obama at all haha no no seriously, this TV personality such as Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber even Rupaul from Rupaul's Dragrace reality show appeal to its fan to vote for him. He was appealing to the younger generation to cast the vote and yes, powerful audacity proves to help push that vote for him. That's only one part of the strategy, others redeeemed to be subjectified by your own thought. I did mine :)
What's more, Obama have a warm character that made people feel secure and cozy. His words was promising and inspirational, I admire that. His victory speech after the announcement for his victory 
is definitely worth watching. No wonder people look up to him. He display simplicity yet this strong authority like a prophecy that will soon to be reveal. Too much? Okay, a guy with charisma; attractive in a respectful way haha.

Obama's full victory speech 

 I sounded like I'm a pro-democratic or Obama beliebers (LOL!) but, the fact that I spend the whole day thinking about this because my mind was loud and wanted to be heard. I allowed it with pretty much procrastination. We never know as for what reason I was meant to write about this as well the reason why Obama needs to be in the White House for another four years. I'm always sceptical about everything not because I questioned his capability, it's just that this significant event have a major influence at a global level; foreign affairs, economic development, as matter a fact the media itsef is gradually shaped by the US and the leader, President Obama has a very huge burden to carry in deciding what's best for the majority while a thought of ignoring an issue may cause major catastrophy to others. It's never easy. Good thing I'm just a minority further down in the lifecycle ( along with the seaweeds and krills haha)

 It just shows that each of us do have an important role in everything. If no one's bother to make the last vote that made him win, he would be defeated by the same total. Never assume that we are mere individual that wants nothing more than to breathe. We were born with responsibility and ignorance is an epidemic that has become a public secret. No one wants to admit it. I admit that I do that though. I guess it's time to built up the motivation to seek that enthusiasm in me. When will you do yours? :) 
That's all. Salam~~

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

A Step at a Time

Assalamualaikum wahai readers :)
Took me a while to update But, here I am.
I realized that I haven't post ANYTHING for the past few months now. I guess I treated my summer holiday at its maximum. A total holiday with no responsibility attached at all. Haha. It was fun to be ignorant, lavish and fun loving for a while but, then it hits me that... I'm not that person. That guilt I bear the whole time was excruciating to me now when I look back. I didn't contribute much to my so called 'purpose of life' at all. Oh the agony! Whether I did it on purpose or not, I was unclear during that time. Maybe a little part of me saw how much tasks needed to be done in my second year so, it persuade me to hog myself to instant gratification. It did made me happy but, I didn't find it fulfilling to my actual needs. It took me a while to learn self control especially when I heard my dearest nini uncle (or our oldest uncle who we referred as our grandad) passed away a few weeks after I'm back in Aberystwyth. Was I sad? Ofcourse I was. Everyone knows how he seemed so gleeful everytime we visited him, he also helped me a lot and give essential advices which made me succesfully achieved my dream. He would be missed but, my situation forced me to hold up and keep the heart strong. It made me awake to the real life that I have my feet set on. Semoga roh nini Hj Apong selalu dirahmati Allah..Amin.. 
Setting foot was also brought me to a new environment. I'm not living with my old flatmates, yup. A different environment opens a new chapter to my journey. Me and 3 of my Bruneian friends rented a private house this year and gosh.. responsibility started to sink in my head: something I find foreign to my dictionary. Ok.. maybe not foreign but, rather new to the concept. One lesson I learn about responsibility is not to take things careless..umm.. I learnt about it after my rather 2months old Sony Experia GO had a huge crack glasses due to my wreckless gesture (ayun tia lagi tangan atu..baru tau) so, I had to find a new phone and decided to get an Iphone 5 instead. One thing I choose this mahagony god was because they have black in stock and I was desperate to find a new phone. If I delay anymore further, it might posed more problems. It's a huge risk to take but, I'm willing to go through this. Determination my fellow friends.. determination. 
 What is more, I did had some fun before this month started. I went to a social for International students organized by one of our Jordanian friends; Rislan. Haha... It's fun to see loads of people from different continent meet up and speak different languages. It's like a salad fiesta! French guys were lucious with their accent, Middle Eastern with their full blast voices, South American were adventurous and asians.. well.. we nodded and speak broken english haha. What ever the moral of the story of that day, I had a good fun :)
 Now, the main concern for now is whether will I continue to slack of and remain hidden throughout the weeks of absence from posting in my blog? Maybe. I hope this profound effort to get my head focused for once will be constant. I cannot make anymore promises because I'm scared of breaking it. No one break a pinky promise haha. For sure... I missed my hometown. I missed my cats! Gosh, I pampered them with everything I can offer. I even spent my allowance on them! Oh my babies...I hope you both will still be there when I return next year. Well, that's all for now. I bid you adieu. Salam!